Jeremy Clarkson recently recounted a disagreement with his apprentice farmer, Kaleb Cooper, stemming from Cooper’s refusal to assist with essential renovations at Diddly Squat farm.
Inspired by the arrival of spring weather, the 65-year-old writer and broadcaster decided to undertake some much-needed improvements to his Oxfordshire property.
Writing in *The Times*, Clarkson began by drawing a parallel between the common urge to declutter kitchen drawers and his own desire to refresh Diddly Squat. Cooper, however, opted for avoidance, choosing to “disappear” rather than contribute to the effort.
Clarkson observed that the farming community’s tendency toward clutter stems from two primary factors:
- A reluctance to discard anything, fueled by the belief that “virtually everything ever created could prove useful someday.”
- A lack of concern for aesthetics – tools and equipment often remain wherever they were last used.
Cooper’s behavior perfectly exemplified this tendency, according to Clarkson, who described his reaction to being asked to tidy up as akin to “a seven-year-old told to clean their room.”
“Tidiness is a time sink, and time equals money,” Clarkson wrote of Cooper’s perspective.
He recalled an instance where Cooper left a dilapidated chain harrow in the field despite his protests about its unsightly appearance. “In his world, looks don’t matter,” Clarkson noted.
Rather than participate in the spring-cleaning project, Cooper chose to escape to the Yorkshire Dales with his family, retreating to his “unremarkable pick-up truck.”
Undeterred, Clarkson tackled the massive task alone. He reported walking 12 kilometers and filling three large skips with debris in a single day.
The work was far from pleasant: “Everything in a farmyard is covered in something,” he lamented. “Sometimes it’s hydraulic fluid, sometimes grease, but mostly… well, you get the picture. After a few minutes of tidying up, you resemble a coal miner.”
After his exhausting efforts, Clarkson eagerly awaited Cooper’s reaction upon his return.
“Nothing,” he complained with frustration. “That’s what he said.”
The situation was further complicated when Cooper promptly delivered seeds to the wrong barn and stacked wooden pallets in a nearby hedge.
